Fear of Change

The more time I spend on the Internet communicating with people and talking to my closest friends, the bigger is my need to write a few lines about a terrible phenomenon that is deeply rooted in our society, called indecision, indifference and lethargy.

We all face problems and ours are always both the biggest and the most terrifying. There are people who, when they encounter a problem, do their best to solve it, and those ones who will keep complaining about it, no matter how much advice they get, without even considering the possibility to apply some.

Is it possible that our fear of change is so big that we stay immobile and prefer keeping the existing, obviously poor state, to taking a risk and getting, maybe, something worse? Life is not a gamble. In most cases, it is the product of our decisions and our choices.

Why are we so averse to accepting the responsibility for our own lives?

I will give you just a couple of examples.

I know many women who remain in catastrophic marriages and relationships just because of mere material security, or because of their children, thus giving them immediately the perfect model to avoid in their lives. In the worst cases, they choose to stay together to have company for parties, restaurants or holidays.

If they dare to leave their bad relationships or marriages, they usually do it only hoping to find better partners who will provide them with more satisfying lives. Do we really estimate our abilities so poorly? How about trying to build the life of our dreams on our own, that will consequently, bring the right people to us.

Let me give you an easier example. Many of my friends are struggling to lose weight. I often hear them saying that I am a lucky girl, the same for years, that I cannot gain weight. Oh yes, I certainly can.

The only difference is that I prefer being slim to a donut or to a glass of wine or beer. Such an explanation immediately brings negative comments that I am a slave to life, instead of enjoying it. On the contrary, I always take the maximum of it. I enjoy eating out. I adore chocolates and sweets, but from time to time and moderately. To be able to enjoy my favorite sweets whenever I want, I exclude buying those, always available ones, in the supermarkets. It also saves a lot of money! I will have dinner at a beautiful restaurant once or twice a week, but all the other meals during that week will be light and controlled.

I often hear many of my young students complaining about their look. They say that they prefer sitting in front of a computer or TV in the evenings or at weekends to going out with friends and exposing themselves to possible unpleasant comments about their overweight. They feel embarrassed, but they take another bite of a pizza anyway. I try to explain, that the age they have, with all its privileges comes once in a lifetime and that they have to take full advantage of it. Sacrificing now something that will be at their disposal all their lives, will enable them to enjoy something else that belongs just to that specific period of life. It is now that they should receive so many compliments every day, they will remember for the rest of their lives, and meet more new people than ever again later.

Then I tell them to ask themselves if that tasty burger or chocolate are worth losing a compliment or a smile of a handsome young man or a beautiful girl or staying at home. If their answer is yes, it is perfectly fine, because it is then their choice. We all have our own priorities. If instead, we do something and feel the need to justify our behavior, then we talk about our weaknesses. We should enjoy our passions but should also be aware of our weaknesses and try to defeat them.

The same goes for the job. I know so many people that simply hate Mondays! They do their 9 to 5 jobs waiting for the weekend, or even worse, for their retirement. That is when they will compensate everything they missed in their youth. I seriously doubt it. Aging still carries its limitations.

I also know some unemployed people, and whenever I start talking to them about numerous possibilities of working online nowadays, they immediately find at least three times as many excuses not to do such a thing. Then I am ready to hear again – “It is easy for you. You do not have a preaching boss who gets on your nerves. You go on holiday whenever you want, you travel wherever you want.” They are actually right. Now they are. But I know very well that it took a lot of courage for me as a young girl, to take on the responsibility for my decisions and to start my own business, choosing it among  seemingly more favorable opportunities offered to me at the time, and to keep growing it later, even as a single parent.

Can you then imagine the reaction to this new initiative of mine? At the moment when my work finally allows me to live not too luxurious, but rather comfortable and carefree life, I decide to embark on a completely unfamiliar field of digital marketing and online business. It takes a lot of self-control to spend evenings and weekends when everybody else relax or have fun, working on self-development and learning something completely different and new. At the same time I am fully aware that we will not be able to resist to this trend much longer and that we need to jump in as soon as possible.

That is my choice. The freedom that this knowledge gives is invaluable. Instead of living peacefully, I consciously embark on a new challenge that brings no risk, but requires devotion and consistency. Every day I am a witness of my personal improvement and it gives me great satisfaction.

If I could give every one of you just a little bit of my passion and desire to move you forward to a better life and to your dreams coming true, I would do it. Still, I am afraid you will have to find it by yourselves. Always bear in mind that “fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.”